What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 17.06.2025 06:01
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
One cannot live in the past .
Ive learnt so much.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I have no regrets .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Is it possible to revive a dead person in real life with black magic?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Why are people nowadays so into anal sex?
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I think the readers, may guess!
I was 9 years of age.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
She found it foreign!.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Why do nice guys rarely or never win?
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Fatty liver: Symptoms and warning signs seen during the night - Times of India
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I was very sick at this time too.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
But it wasn’t much.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Why did Britain steal Gibraltar from Spain?
I write beautiful poetry .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Genetic variant tied to doubled dementia risk for older men - The Washington Post
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Im still living with it.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I was seconnd youngest,
She wouldn,t have been !
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I waited trembling.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I said to her
Put me off passion for life!!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
My family never makes their pension either.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But, we were locked up after school.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
What did i know ?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
She married twice! .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
So whats the point in blame.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I don,t even have a pension.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
She was in good health!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
When she asked me how she looked .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
She loved him until the end.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
My life is so biszare .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I couldn’t, believe it.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Comes on , in middle age.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
But ive been too sick for many years..
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
We all went to grammer schools
I was scared of men, in general
He knew the spot.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Would this be the day?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
It was going to be , some day.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
(And it was in our own minds.)
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
This is soul school!.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
All the time i was locked up.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Was to survive, this bastard.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I will be 64.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
So, i spoilt her more .
And i lived it daily.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Who then, do I blame.?
We were not on the streets..
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.